


The Proper Poise (When You Talk to Boys)

by evol_love



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Camping, M/M, i guess?, technology failure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 04:05:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15677682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evol_love/pseuds/evol_love
Summary: God, it feels like some strong karmic justice that his tongue-in-cheek reference to a stupid fucking product of homophobic toxic masculinity is going to be his gay undoing.Or: While away on vacation with his moms, Michael sends Jeremy a few texts that may be a little too close to the truth, without the accompanying "no homo" necessary to deflect them.





	The Proper Poise (When You Talk to Boys)

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this before we found out Michael having two moms is canon and I've never felt more valid in my life. Enjoy!
> 
> EDIT: there's some discrepancy about the title here (from "Popular" from Wicked obvi), every lyric site I've checked is claiming poise but it sure does Sound like ploys and it says that in some places, I'm Aware of this so you don't gotta tell me, I'm keeping my title because that seems to be what the majority says and also I like it better. *shrug emoji*

Michael is handling being separated from his best friend for an entire week about as well as one could expect: he’s spent the better part of his family vacation lying around and texting Jeremy memes or Snapchatting him photos of the scenery. To their credit, his moms have done their best to keep him too busy to miss Jeremy. The three of them have been on daily excursions to go tubing or hiking (not to mention the family board game nights, dear god), but the days always seem to go the same. Michael is pretty much glued to his phone from sunrise to sunset. His moms seem a bit dismayed, but he doesn’t really feel badabout it. It may be a tradition for Michael and his moms to take a trip out to his aunt’s cabin for the last week of summer break, but that doesn’t mean Michael is happy about abandoning his friend to go get eaten alive by mosquitos. A few years back, Michael had asked if Jeremy could come with them to the cabin, but Ma had ruffled his hair and insisted that it was _important_ the three of them spend some time together without the _distractions of the outside world_ or something. Which, okay, Michael kind of understands. And he loves his moms, of course he does. It’s just. Well. He loves Jeremy too. 

(Not that he’s entertaining any ideas of talking about _that_ any time soon.)

Still, the moms get their way at least a little bit, because Michael reaches his data limit by Wednesday and becomes confined to cabin wifi hours, where the service is shaky at best. 

Michael’s a reasonable guy though. He’ll admit he maybe does enjoy making s’mores with his moms a bit more when he’s not fussing with trying to get the perfect video of himself setting his marshmallow on fire for Jeremy, captioned “your brain when Christine gets too close.” He leans into vacation a bit more after that, absolutely crushing both of his moms at mini golf one night and _insisting_ they pull over for slushies when they drive past a 7-11 on the way back to the cabin. And it makes it all the better to crawl back into his bed every night and tell Jeremy all about his adventures of the day at the end of it. 

Friday is particularly eventful, featuring fireworks celebrating absolutely no holiday whatsoever and the most ridiculous family kayaking excursion probably in the history of the entire world.

 **Michael:** So let me preface this by saying I am STILL the better gamer here

 **Jeremy:** well hello to you too jerk 

**Michael:** You love me

 **Jeremy:** hmmm

 **Michael:** Hush. ANYWAY. Turns out I’m absolutely shit at paddling a kayak. 

**Jeremy:** omg like how bad

 **Michael:** I think if there was a map of my path down the river it would be a perfect zigzag

 **Michael:** Pretty much ran into every possible obstacle along the way

 **Jeremy:** Djfnfjejgrkyjrksjfj

 **Michael:** Also did you know that sometimes trees have spiders in them because they sure do and I sure did have several land in my kayak 

**Jeremy:** NOOOOOO

 **Jeremy:** demons

“What are you so smiley about?” his Mom asks, making him jump and drop his phone onto the bed. He looks up to see her standing in his doorway, smiling at him and seemingly waiting for a reply. 

“Oh, just texting Jeremy about the river.” She laughs. 

“Despite our best efforts, I don’t think you turned out to be a nature boy.”

He shrugs. “Sorry.” 

“We’re very proud of you even if you won’t be featured on Bear Grylls any time soon.”

“Thank god. Also I don’t think the show is just called ‘Bear Grylls.’”

“Well, I don’t know. What is it called?”

“Why would _I_ know?” Michael laughs. “You just said I’m not a ‘nature boy.’”

His mom is thoughtful for a moment. “I feel like if your name is Bear Grylls you _have_ to turn into a wilderness expert. You can’t be a banker named Bear.”

“I don’t think Bear is his real name...” Michael offers. She throws her hands up in frustration. 

“Well apparently I don’t know anything about Bear Grylls or whatever his name is. Sorry!”

Michael gives her a Look. “Awfully bold of you to accuse me of not being one with nature when you don’t even know Bear Grylls’ biography.” 

She raises an eyebrow at him. “Wow. Honey!”

“Yeah?” his Ma calls back from their room. 

“What is that Bear Grylls show that Obama was on called?”

“ _What?”_ she yells again, this time clearly far more confused than anything. He hears her get up and come down the hall to join Mom in the doorway. 

“We watched that episode where Obama ate the fish?”

“I think that was some special presidential thing. The show is uh...........it’s Man Vs. Wild,” she says at last, triumphant. Mom throws him a wide smile. 

“Man Vs. Wild,” she says proudly. “Go to bed soon okay? I love you, good night!”

“Love you too,” he says back, still laughing at how pleased they both seem at their ability to name a popular reality show. They leave his door open a crack the way they have since Michael was a kid and head off to bed themselves. 

**Michael:** It sucks that my moms don’t get memes because the ONLY response I want to give mom right now is “You’re a Bear Grylls fan? Name four of his albums.”

 **Jeremy:** kfnfnskfnfmdkbrndjfma what

Michael attempts to relay the bizarre goodnight exchange he’d shared with his moms, and Jeremy is appropriately amused. Jeremy’s always been the _best_ to tell stories to. He always gives so much feedback and exclamatory bullshit that you feel like you could have a good career in stand up. 

**Jeremy:** Ahhh i miss your moms I wanna watch bear grylls with them 

**Michael:** For the love of god Jeremy it’s called Man Vs Wild we’ve been through this.

 **Jeremy:** Miss you too

And that...okay that makes Michael’s heart ache just a bit. Because yeah, he _really_ fucking misses Jeremy too and he cannot wait to go home and spend all his time with him again and the best part of this trip is honestly just getting to tell Jeremy all of his stories after the fact, and things would be so much better if Jeremy was just _here,_ if Michael could be sharing all of this with him. 

Whatever. 

**Michael:** Awww baby don’t worry, I’ll return from the war soon xx

 **Jeremy:** I mean it sure sounds like you’ve been through war

 **Jeremy:** Battling bugs right and left, out all day in the sun, without even an unlimited data plan to tide you over? How do you do it :/

 **Michael:** You’re such an asshooooole why are we friends

 **Jeremy:** :)

 **Jeremy:** For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t ever make you go camping. No nature necessary. We can stay inside and play aotd and eat doritos forever 

**Michael:** God I love you. Why do we even bother when we’re obviously perfect for each other

 **Michael:** We should just get it over with!

 **Michael:** Wanna go out with me Jeremy?

 **Michael:** No homo 

He’s probably laid it on a bit thick to be honest, but Jeremy’s used to him joking around and he can bring this one back. Michael’s just punching in a string of :P emojis when he notices the red exclamation mark next to his last text. He zeroes in on it, can practically feel his vision narrowing to focus solely on the red letters spelling out “Not Delivered” beneath his stupid little “no homo.” 

His heart jolts into overdrive, his body catching up with his frantic mind, and he looks at the top of the screen to see that _of fucking course_ the wifi had chosen the precise moment between texts to go kaput. He frantically retries the text, tries “send as text message” too out of desperation, but the universe has really outdone itself conspiring against him this time because he’s in the perfect Bermuda Triangle of shit cell service. 

“Not Delivered”

“Not Delivered” 

“Not Delivered”

And god, it feels like some strong karmic justice that his tongue-in-cheek reference to a stupid fucking product of homophobic toxic masculinity is going to be his gay undoing. 

“Fuck,” he says out loud, switching his phone on and off of airplane mode in one last pitiful attempt to rectify things. 

The wifi does not return. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck _everything.”_ Swearing out loud isn’t going to fix things, but it certainly makes him feel a bit better about the fact that, _oh yeah_ , he just _accidentally_ asked out his best friend slash secret crush and doesn’t even have the ability to see just how bad the fallout is going to be. “Fuck!” he yells one more time, throwing his phone onto the floor in frustration. He turns over in bed so his face is buried in his pillow and tries desperately not to cry. This is fine. This _will_ be fine. It’s a dumb situation, and once he explains in the morning, Jeremy will think it’s hilarious and they’ll laugh about it and move right on, and then—

And then what? Jeremy will have a good chuckle at the idea of Michael having feelings for him? Michael will have to pretend it’s funny and like he isn’t on the verge of a freaking panic attack just wondering at what’s going through Jeremy’s mind right now? Jeremy will make a perfectly innocent joke about how Michael isn’t his type or something and Michael will send him a dumb meme instead of crying because he made peace with being in love with the boy so long ago that letting everything just roll off his back is practically instinct at this point? 

Michael hates the idea of it. 

It’s not like everything is ruined — he hasn’t _actually_ confessed his feelings or anything, it’s all easily explained away — but he almost wishes he _had_ if only to get the damn thing over with. 

It feels like hours before he finally falls into a restless, ragged sleep.

\-----

He gets about a minute of peace when he wakes up before he remembers how wrong things had gone last night. Groaning, he sits up in bed and looks around blearily for his phone, still lying on the floor where he’d haphazardly tossed it. 

He’s not totally sure he wants to pick it up again, to be honest.

After contemplating for a few moments, Michael gets out of bed and heads out to get breakfast, ignoring his cell entirely. 

“Morning!” Ma says cheerfully when he comes out of his room. She’s frying eggs. They smell good, but Michael’s not sure he has an appetite. 

“Morning.”

“You sleep okay?” He’s not sure if she’s picked up on him feeling off with her Mom Powers or if it’s a genuine question, but he doesn’t want to get into it either way. 

“Yeah.” He sits down at the kitchen table and drums idly for a moment, too absorbed in his own stupid, self-manufactured drama to sustain a conversation. 

“Do you want eggs?”

“Sure.”

She turns around and frowns at him. Great. If she hadn’t noticed he was down before she definitely has now. Michael wishes he cared more. 

“Is something bothering you honey? You feeling okay?”

He hesitates; a part of him _wants_ to tell her everything. Not just about last night, but _all_ of it. He’s never talked to his moms about how he feels about Jeremy, though he suspects they may have a good idea anyway since they’re smart and know him like that. It might be nice to have a bit of sympathy today. 

Not telling them about Jeremy hadn’t been a conscious choice, at least not at first. He usually tells them everything about his life. He came out when he was like 13, and they’d had a super casual conversation the first time they smelled remnants of weed in Michael’s room. They’ve always been cool. Frankly, not telling them about Jeremy hadn’t even been a lack of trying on their part, because god knows they’ve asked him a dozen times if he’s “seeing anybody” or if there’s any “special guys” at school. But somehow the idea of actually voicing his crush on Jeremy has always been too daunting. The first time Mom had asked him, in passing while driving him home from school back in tenth grade, if he had any new crushes, Michael’s brain had shaken itself up like a game of Boggle that only spelled out “Jeremy” when it settled. He’d played it off, shrugged casually, made some excuse about how there weren’t really any other guys that were out at school so why bother. She’d seemed satisfied and that was that. But as time went by and Michael denied having feelings for Jeremy, feelings for _anyone_ , he suddenly felt as though he’d been trapped in a lie and it was far too late to turn back and tell the truth now.

He doesn’t say anything now. 

“Yeah, just tired.”

“Stay up late texting Jeremy again?” she asks knowingly, going back to the eggs. Michael’s throat goes dry.

“Yeah.”

“You two are so attached at the hip, I don’t know who your Ma and I thought we were kidding trying to give you two a week apart. You always find a way back to each other.” She finishes the eggs, sliding them out onto plates and passing one to Michael. “There you go. Do you want any juice?” 

Michael nods numbly, still stuck a few sentences back. 

Ma comes in for breakfast then, giving Mom a quick kiss before grabbing her own plate and sitting next to Michael. 

“So! Two more days! Anything you desperately want to do before we head back Sunday?” she asks.

“Not really.”

“Nothing? Gonna just let us pick then? 24 hour antique store crawl it is.”

He actually manages to laugh at that. 

“Come on sweetheart, why don’t you google some local stuff and see if anything catches your eye.”

He sighs, then does his best to keep his tone light as he says, “Oh, the wifi went out last night and I don’t know if it’s come back.”

“Oh, huh, well we can just check out some guidebooks or something, do the whole tourist thing right. I can try restarting the router too.”

Michael’s heart skips a beat, but he nods. “Cool.” He picks at his eggs for a few more minutes, but it’s pretty clear that he’s not going to get through them. Not when he has the threat of unread messages looming over him. He gets up and clears his plate to the sink, scraping the remaining eggs into the garbage while his moms are chatting about the day’s plans, then heads back to his room to face the music. 

He’s never felt so much dread just from seeing his phone. 

He stares at it for a long moment before realizing he’s being completely ridiculous, then he goes over and picks it up. Heart pounding, he presses the home button to see if he’s back online.

It hadn’t reconnected to the wifi overnight, so Michael unlocks it, sighing, and is immediately bombarded with banner notifications as the fucking thing springs instantly back to life, apparently satisfied that Michael has it in hand again. It’s like the phone had paused itself and then shifted right into fast forward. 

His heart is hammering again. 

There are a few notifications on Instagram and Snapchat, so he clicks on those first, steadfastly ignoring the red bubble indicating he has 8 new texts on the Message app. His cousin had liked the sunset photo he’d posted yesterday, and there’s an endlessly long series of Snapchat videos of Jeremy’s summer camp friend’s cat. He clicks through each one quickly, catching only a couple of glimpses of it wiggling around and trying to steal the guy’s pizza, an abrupt exclamation of “SPAGHETTI NO” before the things cuts off entirely. 

He’s just delaying the inevitable. There’s no point in putting this off any longer. 

Pretending that he’s completely in control and that his hands definitely aren’t shaking a bit, he opens the Messages app. 

It turns out that one of the notifications was just an automated message from the cell company telling him about some special on unlimited data plans, which, too little, too late. Another one was Planned Parenthood darkly reminding him that they live in a dystopian hell because he’d gone to a protest one time with his moms and wound up on like forty mailing lists, and for some godforsaken reason they’ve decided to physically text him instead of just spamming his inbox like any other reasonable nonprofit. 

That leaves six messages though. Jeremy’s contact is the only one still marked unread. 

Shit. 

He’s actually not sure he can do this? 

The preview message under Jeremy’s name is just a goodnight text, which gives away absolutely nothing and is completely fucking terrifying. 

He sets his phone back down, on the bed this time. What good can possibly come of reading these messages before, like, noon. Michael should at least _try_ to enjoy his day before ruining it with this. 

\-----

The day’s events do manage to cheer him up a bit even if he does have the weight of those texts hanging over him. He and the moms go to some charming old timey main street area and waste some time in a quaint little general store before heading out to have a picnic at a nearby park. It’s a beautiful day, which strikes Michael as slightly unfair, but whatever. He’ll take it. 

“You excited to go home and see Jeremy?” Mom asks as she passes him a bag of grapes. 

“Oh, yeah...” he says unconvincingly. He avoids making eye contact with them, but they’re still giving each other knowing glances by the time he looks up again. Michael rolls his eyes, sighs. “I don’t know, stuff is just a little weird between us right now or whatever, it’s not a big deal,” he adds. 

The look on his Mom’s face says ‘I didn’t ask but okayyyyy’ and he’d be putting his head in his hands if it wasn’t so obviously a gesture of defeat. He’s not sure what they think they know but he isn’t about to confirm anything. He’d rather actually text Jeremy than deal with that.

He doesn’t though. His phone remains back at the cabin all day while they go on treasured family adventures or whatever his moms are hoping to get out of this. It’s nice and all, but it would be so much nicer if Michael didn’t feel like his heart was trying to scramble out of his chest to run to Jeremy and cling to his leg like a weepy toddler and beg him not to leave just because Michael fucked up and cared too much. And Michael _knows_ he’s being melodramatic, but summer’s on its deathbed and his best friend is back home thinking god knows what about him. He’ll have to face him sooner or later.

Michael would really like for it to be later. 

\-----

It turns out he can’t actually hide forever. Who knew. 

‘Just be a fucking adult about this,’ Michael tells himself when he and the fam return home for the night. The phone sits ominously on his bed, dark and quiet and practically laughing at him and the fact that he’d spent all week texting Jeremy only to ghost him over the most minor of inconveniences. ‘You can do this. It’s not a big deal. It’s a misunderstanding and Jeremy won’t care at all once you tell him what happened and everything will be fine.’ He’s good at lying to himself like that.

He knows he’s stalling by changing out of his clothes from the day’s events first, but he’d like to at least be comfortable if he’s about to lose his best friend or something. Throwing on a hoodie, he contemplates the phone once more before heading off to brush his teeth instead, hugging his moms goodnight and then heading back to his room.

This cannot be put off any longer. 

“Fuck. Me.” Michael says aloud, shaking his head and unlocking his phone at last. He’s being completely stupid about this, he’s going to open it and it literally won’t be a big deal at all, Jeremy will have sent him a couple “hahaha”s and maybe some joking flirty emojis and then have gone to bed, it won’t matter at all. 

Jeremy’s sent him two messages during the day, which is at least encouraging in that it means Jeremy isn’t completely ignoring him. Not willing to let himself think about it and psych himself up any longer, he opens Jeremy’s message thread. 

**Jeremy:** Haha oh my god Michael

 **Jeremy:**??

 **Jeremy:** Uh. Fuck. Um are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu being serious rn?

 **Jeremy:** Oh my god if you were I’m SO sorry I wasn’t laughing at you I literally just thought that we were like, joking around or something I SWEAR I wouldn’t have laughed if I thought you meant it it’s seriously totally okay I’m really sorry I really really REALLLLLLLY don’t have a problem with that I promise like. I really really do not. 

**Jeremy:** :( Mikey pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase come back. Talk to me :(

 **Jeremy:** Okay. Goodnight Michael. 

**Jeremy:** Hey sorry for being weird last night lol. What are you guys doing today?

 **Jeremy:** Missed you today dude

Michael is...a little confused. And relieved, because holy shit Michael actually got out of this one relatively unscathed. But he _hates_ seeing Jeremy blame himself for things that are quite literally not his fault. He _always_ does it. He’s so ready to take responsibility for things entirely out of his control. 

**Michael:** Hey

Cool Michael. Even if Jeremy doesn’t hate him from last night, he might after Michael responds to his increasingly desperate sounding messages with a fucking “hey.” Dear god.

But of course, Jeremy’s reply appears just seconds later. 

**Jeremy:** Hey!!!

And Michael’s heart breaks and repairs itself all over again, because the fucking golden retriever 

that must be piloting Jeremy’s brain _always_ comes running home. 

**Michael:** Sorry for disappearing on you last night man, this cabin wifi sucks

 **Jeremy:** Ohhh omg no worries that makes sense

 **Jeremy:** Sorry lol

 **Michael:** You literally have no reason to be sorry 

**Jeremy:** Idk I was just kinda weird about it and jumped to a lot of conclusions haha

 **Michael:** It’s fine

 **Jeremy:** You sure? We can talk about it if you want

 **Michael:** Do you want to talk about it?

 **Jeremy:** Idk lol

Michael rolls his eyes. Texting Jeremy is kind of impossible sometimes. Also, Michael would quite frankly prefer to leave the previous night behind them, so he’s going to choose to interpret that as “no.”

 **Michael:** Okay cool

 **Jeremy:** I just thought you were like, actually asking me out and then you were upset because I thought you were joking idk I know that’s dumb I just felt really bad

Jeremy’s message comes at practically the same moment as Michael’s reply, meaning he’d typed his “idk lol” and kept _going_ after that. Which means Jeremy _wants_ to talk about this. Has been _thinking_ about this. 

So. Michael is Not out of the woods, it turns out. 

**Michael:** I’m sorry you felt bad, it’s honestly totally fine

He watches the little dots appear, disappear, reappear for almost two full minutes before Jeremy responds.

 **Jeremy:** Okay. 

Michael is a bit wary now. 

**Michael:** Are you okay? 

**Jeremy:** Yeah it’s fine

 **Michael:** Jeremy. 

Jeremy takes a minute to start typing again. 

**Jeremy:** What

 **Michael:** You’re being weird

 **Jeremy:** I mean what do you want me to say lol

 **Michael:**????? I have NO IDEA what’s going on right now

Michael’s not even stressed anymore, now he’s just annoyed with Jeremy for not just _saying_ something instead of being vague and weird and dragging this out, making it even more difficult of a conversation for Michael than it already was. 

**Jeremy:** Dude if you don’t like me it’s FINE

Whoa _what?_

 **Michael:** What?

Jeremy doesn’t respond. 

**Michael:** Jeremy I have NO clue what we’re talking about right now but whatever you’re assuming of me right now is probably definitely NOT true.

“Hey.” Michael jumps, dropping his phone with a startled yelp. He looks up to see his Mom in the doorway again. “You should go to bed honey, you were so tired today.”

“Yeah, I’ll go in a minute.”

She sighs. “Do I need to take your phone for the night so you can stop being distracted and sleep?”

“No!” Michael’s heart pounds at the thought of a conversation with Jeremy going wrong literally just because Michael can’t reply to him two nights in a row. “No, it’s fine, I’m just wrapping this conversation with Jeremy up and then I’ll sleep.”

Mom is frowning at him. Curse her mom powers and ability to know when something is bugging him. 

“Is Jeremy okay?”

Michael exhales, feeling the past 24 hours all come crashing down on him at once. 

“I don’t know,” he tells her honestly. 

“Oh honey, what’s wrong?” she asks, coming to sit down beside him. The Mom Concern on her face is overwhelming. 

“Just a bunch of stupid miscommunications, I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I think he’s mad at me but I have no clue why.”

“That sounds really frustrating,” she says with sympathy. He and his mothers had gone to family counseling while Michael was in middle school pretty much just for the hell of it, because Ma had said this was a hard period in kids’ lives and she wanted to ensure they all knew how to communicate with each other. It was sweet if a bit extra. The result, however, is that every Serious Conversation with them feels like another meeting with Dr. Paige. 

“It’s okay. I just wish he’d tell me what was going on so we could solve this and move on, you know?”

She nods, pulling him into a side hug with her right arm. 

“Have you told him that? I know it seems obvious, but asking someone to tell you explicitly what’s bothering them can make all the difference, and it sounds like this whole issue is because you two haven’t been doing that.” She pauses. “Have you told _him_ what’s bothering _you_?”

Michael actually laughs at that. “Uh, no. I’m good.” 

“Michael,” she says, looking as disapproving as a person can with an arm slung around you. “ _Talk_ to him. And then go to bed, okay? Can you promise me lights out in fifteen minutes?”

Michael shrugs. “Probably. Sure.”

“Okay.” she stands then, patting him on the head, ruffling his hair. “You know I love you very much. I’m just trying to help you honey.”

“I know.” Michael feels a little bad. “Thanks Mom.” 

She smiles. “Get some good sleep.” With that, she disappears back to her own room. 

Michael thinks a moment before picking his phone up again. Jeremy had sent another text while he was talking. 

**Jeremy:** Okay. Sorry.

 **Michael:** Can we please just like, put our cards on the table here because I feel like you’re speaking in Morse Code and I’m only getting like every third word. 

**Jeremy:** You /would/ capitalize Morse code 

**Michael:** So did you!

 **Jeremy:** That was autocorrect. Foiling my cool lowercase aesthetic yet again. 

**Michael:** Can’t believe you’re blaming poor autocorrect on your lack of a cool aesthetic 

**Michael:** Can we actually talk though?

 **Jeremy:** Sure

Michael loves Jeremy with his entire heart but dear god the boy can be frustrating when he wants to be. 

**Michael:** Cool. Can we start with why you were mad at me?

 **Jeremy:** Cnfjrjfnek ugh I’m sorry I know I was being really stupid 

**Michael:**???

 **Michael:** I’m not disagreeing but go on

 **Jeremy:** Oh my god

 **Jeremy:** I mean like

 **Jeremy:** You HAVE to have figured it out by now right

 **Michael:** Clearly not if I’m asking you to explain lol

 **Jeremy:** Then I can’t. I’m really sorry, I’m so sorry Michael I know youre probably pissed at me rn and that’s FINE I totally get it but I cannot tell you and I need you to just know that I’m fine and I’m not mad at you and it’s okay and we can just move on

About twenty minutes ago, Michael would have agreed with Jeremy. Now, not so much.

He rereads tonight’s messages, rereads the messages from the screwed up night before. 

_**Jeremy:** Oh my god if you were I’m SO sorry I wasn’t laughing at you I literally just thought that we were like, joking around or something I SWEAR I wouldn’t have laughed if I thought you meant it it’s seriously totally okay I’m really sorry I really really REALLLLLLLY don’t have a problem with that I promise like. I really really do not. _

There’s only one real conclusion Michael can draw, logically, but it feels like it shouldn’t make any sense. 

**Michael:**...did you want me to be asking you out? Like, for real?

Nothing. He might’ve guessed. 

He waits a few more minutes in the hopes that Jeremy will finally reply, but nothing comes. 

**Michael:** It’s late so idk if you fell asleep or are avoiding me but I’m not mad, or whatever terrible shit your brain is making up and tricking you into believing, okay? You’re not half as horrible as you think you are. 

Michael bites his lip, then figures in for a penny, in for a pound, and adds

 **Michael:** I love you dude 

He sets his phone down and is about to just call it a night when it lights up again. It’s...embarrassing how quickly he scrambles to pick it back up.

 **Jeremy:** Well, as long as /you/ don’t think I’m horrible. I’ll take it 

**Jeremy:** I love you too dude

 **Jeremy:** Guess you already knew that though haha

Holy shit. Holy _shit?_

 **Michael:** Now I feel SUPER dumb about doing this over text but the service here is so shit that I can’t call you 

**Jeremy:** It’s okay

 **Michael:** No! It’s not! 

**Jeremy:** Oh

 **Michael:** No oh my god I’m fucking this up so so bad 

**Michael:** Jeremy I LIKE YOU

It’s out, and he can’t take it back, and he doesn’t _care_ because _Jeremy likes him?_

The thing is, Michael’s liked Jeremy for years but he hasn’t been _pining away for him_ or whatever, that’s stupid. Jeremy is his best friend and he thinks he’s the most incredible person in the world, but he’s never resented Jeremy for his other crushes, or for not realizing how Michael feels about him. It has always been totally fine. And a part of Michael always felt like they’d have their chance, if and when the time was right for them, that things would happen if they were supposed to, but he didn’t expect it to happen like _this,_ or so _soon._

 **Jeremy:**...

 **Jeremy:** Wait really?!?

 **Michael:** Yes you goof. That you didn’t know that before now is SHOCKING honestly

 **Jeremy:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Jeremy:** UHM?

Michael is laughing now, heart still fluttering, but far lighter. 

**Michael:** You’re such a dork oh my god

 **Jeremy:** But you liiiiiike meeeee

 **Jeremy:** YOU LIKE ME

 **Jeremy:** OH MY GOD?

 **Michael:** I do <3

 **Jeremy:** Hi I’m dumb wow

 **Michael:** I forgive you 

\-----

Michael wakes up the next morning with his phone on his chest, and he freezes. Shit. He’d fallen asleep in the middle of the conversation, because of course he had. 

He sits bolt upright, grabbing his phone and unlocking it immediately, hoping Jeremy hadn’t spiralled into assuming Michael was kidding again. He can never tell over text if Jeremy is actually doing okay when he says he is.

Still up on the screen is his chat with Jeremy from the previous night. 

**Jeremy:** Thank goodness

 **Jeremy:** I’m like very confused but also stupid happy rn 

**Jeremy:** Oh nooooo I think your wifi maybe went out again? Or it is like...almost 2am, so. Fair enough. 

**Jeremy:** I hope you still like me in the morning

 **Jeremy:** Night <3 

Michael grins. His best friend is ridiculous. 

**Michael:** Hey

 **Jeremy:** Hey!!!

 **Michael:** Guess what?

 **Jeremy:** :O

 **Jeremy:** Oh?

 **Michael:** I still like you <3

\-----

The ride home feels interminably long. None of his downloaded playlists feel right, or good enough, or distracting enough, and there’s nothing the view outside can do no matter how beautiful it is. His moms are trying valiantly to point out interesting sights, and Ma even tries to start up a round of the Alphabet Game, shouting out the letters on every road sign they pass. The car falls pretty silent when they hit Q, though, and Michael gives up and texts Jeremy.

 **Michael:** We still have like an hour and a half to go I’m dying

 **Jeremy:** Aww you poor thing

Michael can’t even begin to stop the smile spreading across his face. He loves this ridiculous boy so much.

“What are you all smiley about back there?” Mom asks, giving him a bemused look in the rearview mirror. 

“Just something Jeremy said,” he tells her, hoping she’ll leave it. He hasn’t told his mothers about...whatever it is that happened with him and Jeremy yet. The two of them had agreed to wait and actually figure things out once they could talk for real, without the fear of their cell service dropping again. Michael knows this was objectively the right choice but also he wishes he had a better idea of where they stand because he sure would like to be dating Jeremy right now. 

“Yeah? How’s he doing? I know you two weren’t able to talk as much towards the end there, I’m sure he’s missing you.”

“Yeah, he’s good,” Michael answers noncommittally, typing several heart emojis in response as he does so. 

**Jeremy:** :O

 **Jeremy:** Omg

 **Jeremy:** Do you like...

 **Jeremy:** Like me or something

 **Jeremy:** Like LIKE like????

Michael snorts.

 **Michael:** You’re such a dork. Still planning to come over when I get home?

 **Jeremy:** Of course? I haven’t seen you in like a week I’m not waiting any longer

 **Michael:** <3

He tosses his phone back onto the seat next to him, glancing out the window and calling out “Q in Antiques” and receiving frustrated yelling from both of his mothers in return. 

\-----

It’s actually kind of weird, once they finally do arrive home again. They were only gone a week, but Michael rarely leaves for so long, and there’s something slightly unreal about seeing the house again. It’s familiar and unfamiliar all at once, like when he and Jeremy had gone to the Harry Potter exhibit and seen just how small the costumes are in person. 

He hauls his admittedly overpacked duffel upstairs and tosses it on the bed, pulling it apart and trying to put his room back together again. Despite not even being the one who drove them home, Michael still feels exhausted from the travel day, and he takes a break or three along the way. 

He’s just about done unpacking in his room when he hears a knock at the door and his Mom’s delighted, “Hi Jeremy! How’ve you been?” 

“Pretty good! Definitely been missing you guys, my dad and I had fun though.”

Michael’s heart is _hammering_ holy shit, he hasn’t felt this nervous at the prospect of being near Jeremy since like eighth grade when he first figured out he had a crush on him in the first place. 

“Awww, we missed you too honey. Michael’s just up unpacking, he’ll be so glad to see you!” 

“Thanks!” And with that, Michael hears Jeremy bounding up the stairs. Fuck. Be cool. 

He jumps up and overturns his entire bag onto the floor, sending clothes flying in every direction just in time for Jeremy to appear in the doorway. Jeremy takes in the scene of chaos - the absolute mess, Michael standing in the middle looking shocked at the turn of events - and starts laughing incredulously. 

“Uh, you good?” he asks, biting his lip to stop himself from continuing to crack up at Michael’s plight. 

He’s so fucking cute it’s not _fair_.

“Hey,” Michael says, because he’s apparently stupid around Jeremy now. 

Jeremy’s smile goes just a touch softer. “Hi.” 

Apparently Jeremy is stupid too. 

Rather than giving into the part of him wondering if this is weird, if he’s weird, if things between them are weird, Michael steps over the pile of laundry and pulls Jeremy into a hug. “Missed you.” 

Jeremy chuckles softly, breath hot against Michael’s neck. “Yeah I can tell.”

“Hey,” Michael shoves Jeremy away. “Jerk.”

Jeremy sighs. “I missed you too.” 

Michael’s not sure what the fuck emotion just passed through him but he does know he can’t actually look at Jeremy right now. Instead, he turns around and starts picking up the mess he made. Jeremy goes and sits on his bed, watching him in amusement. 

“Sooooo,” Jeremy says, in a way that indicates he has no intention of contributing anything else to the conversation until Michael does. 

“So like,” Michael starts, biting the fucking bullet because someone has to, and continuing to look at his task instead of Jeremy because he might actually still be _slightly_ afraid he’s somehow misunderstood the whole thing. “I like you.” 

Jeremy exhales. “Cool.”

Michael drops his armful of clothes and turns to give him a Look. “‘Cool?’”

“I obviously like you too, come on dude,” Jeremy says, kicking at Michael’s leg because he’s apparently seven years old. Michael dodges him easily, scooping the laundry back up and tossing it in the hamper before coming to sit beside Jeremy. 

“Cool,” he says with a smile. He’s. Really not sure what’s supposed to happen next. 

“So, uh,” Jeremy sounds nervous suddenly, which is _so_ him. “Are we uh? Dating? Now?”

Michael shrugs, telling his heart to shut up because Jeremy will _hear_ and he has an image to uphold. “Yeah, if you’d like to be.”

Jeremy tilts his head and throws Michael some _serious_ side eye. “I’m trying to pour out my soul here, or, or whatever, give me _something,_ ” he says, and he sounds so whiny that Michael cracks up. 

“Okay, okay, yes, I’d very much like to date you Jeremy.” He turns to look at Jeremy proper. He’s blushing bright red and grinning ear to ear.

“Cool,” Jeremy repeats.

“ _You’re_ cool,” Michael replies, shoving Jeremy with his shoulder. 

Jeremy snorts. “I’m definitely not cool, I think seventeen years has been enough time to prove that.”

“Well, I think you’re cool, and I’m your boyfriend now, so you have to believe me.”

It takes a moment for Jeremy to reply, the pause so long that Michael starts to worry he’s said the wrong thing. 

“Oh,” he says finally. “Um. I think you’re cool too.”

Michael laughs, putting an arm around Jeremy and pulling him in closer. “Don’t get all soft on me now, buddy,” he says, impulsively pressing a kiss to Jeremy’s forehead and making him yelp in response. 

“So like. We’re, we’re doing this.”

“Yeah,” Michael agrees. “Wow.”

He’d been worried things would be awkward, that they wouldn’t know how to act around each other once they were more-than-friends, but things seem to fall into place better than ever after that, Jeremy flopping over to lay his head in Michael’s lap, the two of them talking about Michael’s trip and what Jeremy had been up to while he was gone for ages until Michael’s Mom came upstairs to ask if they wanted late-night ice cream (to which the answer was obviously yes). They laugh at each other over their bowls of Ben & Jerry’s and Jeremy dutifully tells Michael’s mothers about his week and promises to pass on their hellos to his dad.

“I should probably head out,” Jeremy sighs eventually. 

“Do you want a ride?” Michael asks, already knowing the answer will be yes because Jeremy hates both calling people and asking his mothers for favors. 

Predictably, Jeremy nods immediately. “If you wouldn’t mind.” 

“Of course not.” He grabs his keys and heads to the door with Jeremy, calling, “Taking Jeremy home now, love you!” behind him as they go. 

Jeremy slides into the passenger side of Michael’s PT Cruiser, immediately pulling out his phone and plugging it in. Michael sighs; they’d long ago determined that the aux cord was a first come first served situation. And Jeremy’s taste in music is _terrible._

“Endless shuffle of _Wicked_ and Ke$ha it is,” he says, starting the car. Jeremy smacks his shoulder. 

“Fuck you dude,” he says, just as “Popular”start playing. 

“Jeremyyyyy,” Michael groans. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll change it,” Jeremy says, scrolling through his music again. 

Michael hesitates, then offers, “You don’t have to.”

“No it’s fine, I’m sure you’re tired of my shit,” Jeremy chuckles. 

Michael shrugs. “Not really.”

Jeremy looks at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s. Kinda grown on me, actually.” He’s surprised to find that it’s true. “I guess you’ve played it so much I’ve gotten used to it. I don’t think driving would be the same without,” he glances at the display, “Kristin Chenoweth.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know her name.”

“Okay, you got me.”

They fall silent while Galinda croons about her social prowess, Jeremy interjecting that she’s _definitely_ a lesbian and then providing an entire academic essay on the subject when Michael says “I’m interested.” 

“Hey,” Jeremy says awhile later, as they’re nearing his house. “Do you, do you uh, think you’re going to tell your moms? Like, right away I mean.”

“Oh.” Michael frowns in thought. “I guess? I was so focused on just figuring this out that I didn’t really think that far ahead. Would that...” he coughs, nervous again out of nowhere. “Would that be a problem?”

“Oh my god, no! No not at all oh my god, no no no,” Jeremy splutters quickly. “No, I, I _want_ you to, I want them to know. I just wanted to ask because, like, I kind of want to tell my dad? And I wanted to make sure that was, you know, cool.”

He’s feeling choked up now, which is totally ridiculous. “Yeah. That’s cool.” 

“Cool,” Jeremy grins, unlocking his phone again and putting on “Tik Tok”.

“Why is your phone _convinced_ it’s 2009?” Michael asks, because that’s easier than acknowledging that he just lowkey teared up because Jeremy’s excited to tell his dad they’re dating now. 

“Says _you,_ Mr. 80s,” Jeremy snorts.

“That’s _totally_ different, it hasn’t been long enough for the noughties to be retro.”

“You’re so pretentious oh my god,” Jeremy says, voice absolutely dripping with affection. 

“Yeah, but you liiiiiiike me.”

“Yeah. I guess I do,” Jeremy agrees. 

Michael pulls into the Heere’s driveway and doesn’t examine why coming back here felt more familiar than his own house had. 

“Alright bud, it’s been fun, but this is the end of the line. Get out.”

Jeremy laughs. “Okay, love you too Mikey,” he says as he gets out of the car. He’s about five steps towards his house before he freezes and spins around, panic written all over his face. “Er, wait-”

“Jeremy,” Michael cuts him off. “I love you too, you nerd.” 

Jeremy beams, nodding before turning back around and walking to his front door. He looks back at Michael three times in the twenty or so steps it takes him. Michael doesn’t pull away until Jeremy disappears inside. Jeremy waves at him until he’s out of sight. 

\-----

“I bet it was nice seeing Jeremy again, huh?” Mom asks as he walks in, and it’s _so_ obvious that she and Ma have been gossiping about him and Jeremy the entire time he was gone that Michael doesn’t even bother trying. 

“We’re dating now,” he tells them, not even pausing on his walk back upstairs to his room, where he’ll probably just wind up texting Jeremy til he falls asleep like he always does despite the fact that they literally just said good night. His moms grace him with delighted squeals and an “Oh honey, I’m so happy to hear that,” which tells him he’d had all the subtlety of a double decker bus crashing into a water tower for the past few years apparently, but they let him pass in peace. 

He finishes up the last bit on unpacking he had before flopping down on his bed, pulling out his phone only to find two unread messages from Jeremy.

 **Jeremy:** Hey. I love you a lot.

 **Jeremy:** Yes homo

Taking a second just to take in the fact that _fuck, Jeremy actually seriously likes him holy shit_ , Michael gives him a quick reply. 

**Michael:** Yes homo  <3

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at mlbevan


End file.
